No justice, no “Beaches” remake

The media must be stopped.

The injustice being penetrated on the masses has never been so severe, up in here. Hell no, we won’t watch it.

Lifetime “Television” (#fakeTV), this weekend, is airing an atrocity that can barely speak its name. It is planning to show a remake of, help me now, the movie Beaches.

No! This cannot be allowed to happen. This is beyond wrong; it is beyond taboo. It requires the full resources of our subliminal justice system.

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Poor, hysterical Better.

The original Beaches was flawless and sits in the inner sanctum of the panoply of official masterpieces of the Sacred VCR. It is the vehicle that drove the shooting stardom of Better Mildew, and that other chick, to new heights. It cannot be touched.

Poor Better will be rolling over in her future grave, the grave created by the re-makers of this sacrilegious celluloid. This will surely kill her, and that other chick too, although–Spoiler Alert!–she already died in the original.

Don’t even get me started on the new attempt to sing “Wings Beneath My Wind.” This should not be happening. I don’t understand why so many Americans are in favor of it.

Why can’t some things just be left alone? Don’t get me wrong, because I would be all in favor of fitting tributes, such as:

  • The Broadway Musical, Beaches (almost happened)
  • The off-Broadway mash-up of Beaches, Starlight Express, and Xanadu, called “Magical Bi-coastal Roller Divas”
  • The all-star tribute concert to Beaches, featuring Cher and Fran Dresher
  • The cruise ship tribute show, “Almost Beaches”
  • The elder-friendly performance piece in Celebration, Florida: “Heavenly Beaches”

But the movie? Don’t go there. Stop the humanity!

Some things cannot be improved, and other things simply cannot be imagined. No one in their right mind could imagine trying to remake Beaches. Yet here we are on the cusp of the unimaginable.

Justice is blind, and so will be everyone who watches this Lifetime movie atrocity. Put that in your Twitter feed and eat it.

 

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