This is why the Internet was invented, Mr. Gore. Because I have read a lot of press releases in my day, but I have never read one with this collection of words:
“A woman who was removed by helicopter after falling on her chin while pole dancing.”
This comes direct from your National Park Service. Wait a minute. Did you just read what I read? How often do you see, in the same sentence, “removed by helicopter” and “pole dancing?”
Of course, this is Florida, and more specifically Miami-Dade County, so it makes complete sense.
This sentence was good, but it got even better on Biscayne National Park’s Facebook page, where they really put a “Face” on it:
“One woman was evacuated by helicopter with a broken chin after face-planting on a boat deck while pole dancing.”
I wish I could make this up. Did the Facebook video actually show it? I didn’t dare to look. It’s probably out there somewhere on YouTube.
I can’t take it anymore. I’m just going to continue reading the press release until the end, where it says: “Did You Know? Manatees are aquatic relatives of elephants. They have thick gray skin, coarse hairs, big toenails on their flippers, and lips that can rip and tear plants.”
And they never, never mix business with pole dancing.